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Realization of the day: That I’m a sophomore and I’m 5 courses away from finishing a fine arts major

the thing is, I love painting, I just don’t love my paintings. I feel fucking mediocre. It’s even getting worse by the minute.

I know this self-esteem thing is driving me crazy but seriously if I don’t get a stellar gpa in this department I’m gonna cry until I die

Lighting up a smoke
I’ve got this feeling inside me
Don’t feel too good

If I close my eyes
And fell asleep in this layby
Would it all subside
The fever pushing the day by

I guess I’m just burnt out. And no, one or two packs of malboros is not gonna fix it.

dulect:

how to get up in the morning

  • you don’t

(via hearmescreaming)

short notes

- I just came back from the library after 3.5 hours of intensive reading, 2 hours of commute and 7 hours at work. It looks like I’m cutting into my sleeping time. From the beginning of this semester I always have a solid 8-9 hours every night, but it seems things aren’t gonna keep up that way. My internship is eating up a good 15-18 hours of my week and I don’t like that. 

- I want to do minimalist designs for work but I guess you can’t have everything you want, at least not all of them

- I just read about veiled hints in film noir which are pretty great, and gender aspects of Pollock’s life and paintings which kind of upset my inner feminist but are also mind-opening.

- I realized my GPA is pretty fucked up for certain study abroad programs, and maybe only my major GPA, resume and portfolio can save me from that.

- I’m tired, it’s like every day is so packed with stuff to do and the only resolution is to go on no matter how worn out I feel..

- I’m kind of going through a personal crisis in which I feel pretty fucking insecure about art and writing. I don’t have anything else apart from them, and I’m feeling mediocre. Being mediocre is much worse than being bad, fyi. Is it stupid that I want to excel in all my classes that involve art and writing to soothe my crippling self-esteem?

- I will wake up in time tmr for breakfast x10

You have so many layers, that you can peel away a few, and everyone’s so shocked or impressed that you’re baring your soul, while to you it’s nothing, because you know you’ve twenty more layers to go.

— Craig Thompson

(Source: psych-facts, via hollowsouls)

Jackson Pollock/ Drip Paintings:
- no hierarchical positioning, no immediately realized “center” of the painting
- he painted with the canvas on the floor, using atypical materials like outdoor (house) paint, sticks to create the drips, and letting anything fall onto the canvas and dry with the paint (ex. cigarettes)
- he coincided with AbEx movement’s promotion of a pure human expression, his drip paintings were pure abstraction
- his piece in Time Magazine (bottom image) reinforces his masculinity, his role as the stereotypical American cowboy (with the cigarette/ pose)

Jackson Pollock/ Drip Paintings:

- no hierarchical positioning, no immediately realized “center” of the painting

- he painted with the canvas on the floor, using atypical materials like outdoor (house) paint, sticks to create the drips, and letting anything fall onto the canvas and dry with the paint (ex. cigarettes)

- he coincided with AbEx movement’s promotion of a pure human expression, his drip paintings were pure abstraction

- his piece in Time Magazine (bottom image) reinforces his masculinity, his role as the stereotypical American cowboy (with the cigarette/ pose)

(Source: glinda-the-good-witches-universe)

(via ca-be-nho)

artlyst:

Louise Bourgeois: A Woman Without Secrets at MIMA

artlyst:

Louise Bourgeois: A Woman Without Secrets at MIMA

(via reckon)

- After finding out that my old theme doesn’t load on firefox, I switched to a new one. Yay minimalism! I feel so light now~

- I changed my earrings from a zipper to a screw. So now I have a screw for an earring, #howcoolisthat

- I told my new counselor about him, the separate parts of me, the ugly and the secrets, basically everything that I’ve been hiding. After that, I really don’t know what to feel. I just met her, and I laid out the most complex part of myself to her. It’s not even because I trust her, I think part of me just want to see her reactions. And it’s not like talking about stuff can change anything.. I still have very mixed feelings about sharing intimate personal details, but I guess I have to see how it goes.

- It’s funny enough that I have to work on-campus to pay off the travel expenses for my internship, not to mention my medication fee. I don’t have the info yet but I figure it’s gonna cost a hell lot more than during my freshmen year. I already spent a lot on art supplies and film rolls and textbooks, and there is a scholarship tax in nov.. life as a college student is surely not as easy as it sounds.

- It’s Friday night and instead of doing my readings I’m still sitting here thinking about a whole lot of stuff.. I’ll be spending most of my weekend at Haverford so I don’t really have time for procrastination now. I guess it just happens. 

- I don’t understand why I’ve been ranting so much lately. Maybe it’s the change of environment, maybe it’s just me being me. I miss the time when I’d wander around at night, or go to Marshall and paint till late without worrying about my other homework. My internship and photo foundation class are keeping me busy now so I don’t really have such free time.. or I just spend too much time watching crappy tv shows

- More people actually remember me than I thought, so I guess it’s good.

A couple reminders for everybody headed back to school

keepcalmstay-s-t-r-o-n-g:

• your mental health is more important than your grades/school work
• you are fabulous
• they’re probably not even paying attention when you give a presentation
• one friend is better than no friends
• eat a healthy lunch
• take care of yourself
• please stay safe
• your mental health is more important than your grades/school work
• I love you

(via letmyworldsoar)

melisica:

(by Denomina)

melisica:

(by Denomina)

(Source: melisica, via stillzel)

oh my god I can’t believe I’m stressing out so much right now..

I swear I’m gonna like my art history classes as long as I can understand the readings..

and it gets worse because that part of my past I want to forget is emerging, again, and I just want to smoke it all away

this is not good